Gone For Good

He felt a strange feeling when the alarm clock took him out of the same dreams. He couldn't wait to do what he was going to do, but he knew it wouldn't turn out well.
His shoulders were heavy with anticipation; there was no positive perspective whatsoever for his plans.
However, he was convinced to try.
As ususal, his mother was in the kitchen and breakfast was on the table. His stomach was in knots, so there was no way he could even have a bite.
“There's no way you´re getting out of this house on an empty stomach, young man,” said his mother when he attempted to skip the meal.
According to her, school was a very demanding activity, and a 15-year old should always be well fed.
Despite his protests, he was forced to at least have a glass of milk.
“What's with the worried look, anyway?” she asked while he swallowed the milk.
“Not a bad grade in Math again, I hope. For your own good.''
He heard the warning and for a moment wished school was his concern again; at least he'd never had those heavy shoulders over school problems.
Carrying his clouded mind he headed for school, heart beating fast and hands sweating.
Somehow he already knew what would happen later that day; he knew it would be awful; he knew it would make him sad; but he also knew he couldn't stand any other day feeling that way.
He had to get it over with.
As the big gray building approached, he got more nervous; it meant a lot more to him than just the facility where he had classes.
He walked all the way from his house looking down, thinking, trying to imagine it would be just another ordinary day.
Ever since he saw her, nothing about school was ordinary anymore. Six months had gone by, and the new girl was the main topic in everybody's conversations.
For him, however, she was not a topic. She was the reason for his uncontrolled sweating, the crazy heartbeats and the tears in his eyes.
The first time he saw her he went into a kind of coma. He couldn't move, he couldn't listen, he couldn't talk.
He could only see her.
Surrounded by her new-found friends, she was popular, of course.
First day in a new school and she already had company during the break..
Unbelievable.
She was his classmate, but didn't know he existed.
He was her classmate, and everyday he saw Heaven when he looked into her eyes. They had exchanged a couple of polite words of ''hi'' and ''bye'', of course, but nothing that lasted more than half a second.
They were enough, though, to make him want to get up the next morning and run to school.
She sat in the back of the classroom, so he had to cautiously turn back to be able to see her.
She was so beautiful that he was embarrassed even to look at her.
Her beauty made him sad, in a deep way.
It would reach so deep into his soul that he lost his ground.
He had never felt sad because of somebody's beauty, and with her it happened everyday.
It took him these six months to have the guts to talk to her, and it had to happen after class.
As soon as he walked into the classroom, he knew she was there; he always did.
The hours and the classes dragged themselves as slowly as possible, and he was numb from the nervousness.
The bell rang and his feet became too heavy to be moved, exactly like everytime she was around.
He saw her walking out, and the sight of her hair flying in the air made him sad again; she was too perfect to be real, and there was nothing he could do not to feel that way for her.
At that age he didn't know what love was, but he surely loved her.
After gathering the strength to get up, he followed her from a safe distance. He knew by heart her steps after class; she would talk to her friends for a couple of minutes then she would leave school and walk two blocks until the bus stop.
But he noticed something unusual that day; it was taking her too long to finish the post school conversation and go to the bus stop.
He was about ten meters away from her and her friends, sitting on the floor pretending to be reading a book.
The minutes rolled slowly by, and he felt his fears from the morning quickly growing into a huge shadow that pressed his heart. As her friends left one by one, she stayed there, until there was only a boy with her, all talkative and confident.
From behind his book, covered by the distance, he wanted to sink into the ground when he figured what was going on.
His fears were not just a shadow now, they were a faceless monster creating a black hole around him.
He turned up his head, just a little over the book, and they were still there, talking.
The two of them breaking a stranger's heart.
He closed his eyes and prayed for an instant.
The voices in his head screamed for him to keep his eyes tightly shut; the monster outside ordered him to open them.
And he did. He opened his eyes.

Just in time to see the boy's hand grab her neck and pull her head closer.

Just in time to see the way both of them turned their heads.

Just in time to see her wrap her arms around the boy.

Just in time to see how they stared at each other when their faces approached.

Just in time to see them kiss.

He closed his eyes again. He felt the monster slowly smashing his heart.
He lost track of time in that black desert of closed eyes. He wanted to move to another dimension.

When he opened his eyes once again, he was alone.

They were gone.

And he was still there.